True Tales of 102 Degrees
Did you know that Suri Cruise is the messiah? It's true, and TomKat are keeping her identity a secret to try to protect her from her arch-enemy, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, the Antichrist. At some point in the next twenty years they will meet in battle at Megiddo — or Hollywood — to determine the fate of all mankind.
But the battle will get too intense, with a real risk of the total destruction of all life on Earth. This is why, as a safeguard, Tom Cruise will have the Scientologists build a shrinking ray. He'll use it to shrink the Olsen Twins down to mere inches tall, allowing them to sing the awesome Mothra song, and summon giant Japanese monsters to battle the evangelical Christian apocalypse. The tide will turn with the appearance of the Giant Soviet-era Robot piloted by the disembodied brain of Fidel Castro, fighting alongside the mechanized Statue of Liberty created in underground Disney by a team of scientists working under the supervision of JFK's clone brothers. But whose side will Zombie Reagan take?
Well, it made sense last night.
8 Comments:
More rum or less rum? One or the other ought to do the trick.
...aweful lot of name dropping there!
Hope all is well.
Matt
Man, I have got to get me some of that Nyquil!
That's the most awesome armageddon ever!!! Let's write down your prophecy on some papyrus, sink it in Utah's salt lake, and recover it in a few years (okay, one month, the world can't wait). Then the Miami bloggers can lead a new religious movement that will sweep across the globe; it'll have celebrity, politics, and geekdom references all rolled into one! I can't wait to do my part to spread the word.
Zombie Reagan: "Brainssss..."
Channeling Dave Barry: "Good name for a rock band: 'The Zombie Reagans'."
I wish I could say I creataed Zombie Reagan, but I didn't.
By the way, a hundred and frickin' two degrees? While I admire the prophetic visions, you may have to get yourself to a hospital if that temp doesn't come down.
Remember, rum/Nyquil daiquiris are not covered by any existing health plan, so bring your own before checking in to the ER.
I'm still alive, but sick. My host is having ftp troubles, too.
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